IF a group of young people start giggling when you walk past, you could be the victim of mockery by little shits. But how can you be sure? Read our guide and find out.
Maybe those day-glo £165 Adidas trainers were wrong for a plump 42-year-old. Or maybe they just aren’t cool according to some arcane teenage knowledge. They’re the dicks because they’re pawns of Nike’s marketing, but they are definitely laughing at you.
Perhaps you wear a bowtie in the mistaken belief you look like a raffish intellectual, when in fact you look more like a circus clown, or simply a twat? In this case the teenagers are right.
Ditch any wanker’s style choices, including: outback jackets with a bushranger hat when you live in Birmingham, using a cane when you don’t need one and fob watches.
You may have a general air of geekiness like Ed Miliband, or an odd, lolloping gait like a Muppet. Kids can be cruel, but let’s face it, you are pretty funny.
It’s possible the teenagers have overheard you yapping on your phone using outdated terms in an embarrassing way, eg. “Quentin made a lovely lasagne and we chilled out with some ganj.”