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October 11, 2018 8:52 AM Phone not left to charge overnight going to be a real prick all day now

Although office worker Emma Bradford plugged her phone in last night she did not turn the charger on at the mains, for which she will hate herself all day. Bradford said: “How could I have been so stupid? I’ve basically got a day of worrying that my phone will go dead before some momentous news comes through. “My phone’s always a bastard if it’s not charged 12

October 3, 2018 7:06 AM It turns out we couldn’t do better after all, reunited couple admits

A COUPLE who claimed they had split for a whole host of reasons have got back together after discovering that they could not do better than each other after all. Nathan Muir and Emma Bradford told friends their relationship was over due to basic incompatibilities and a breakdown of trust, but on reuniting have admitted they were both hoping to trade 10

September 20, 2018 11:05 AM Man comes out amazingly well from own anecdote once again

Administrator Tom Logan told colleagues about an altercation with a motorcyclist in which he came close to punching the man but, as ever, had the self-control not to. Co-worker Emma Bradford said: “It’s amazing, really. He comes out of these situations cool as a cucumber. I’d be a nervous wreck but I suppose Tom’s used to it because it happens practically 17

September 7, 2018 8:16 AM Kids vote shoe shopping best time to be proper little bastards

Despite stiff competition from car journeys and trips to the supermarket, the UK’s small children believe shoe shops provide the most satisfying ‘kicking off’ experience. Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I don’t know if it’s something in the chemicals they use to treat leather but as soon as we step into a shoe shop my kids turn on me. ‘My six-year-old 11

August 24, 2018 8:28 AM Woman who only dates ‘bad boys’ can’t believe they all cheat on her

A WOMAN who only goes out with ‘bad boys’ is shocked they cheat on her even though it is pretty clear they are dicks. Nikki Hollis, 30, has dated eight disreputable types, all of whom have been unfaithful, with one proving to be a particularly ‘bad’ boy by stealing her bank cards. Hollis’ best friend Emma Bradford said: “A bad boy saying he’s not going 9

August 14, 2018 8:32 AM Woman who finishes friends’ sentences on f**king thin ice

A WOMAN who finishes the ends of her friends’ sentences is on fucking thin ice, it has been confirmed. Emma Bradford compulsively talks along with the final few words each time her conversational partner is speaking, and they have warned that it is doing their heads in. Bradford’s friend Nikki Hollis said: “Imagine starting every sentence knowing that you’re 10

August 11, 2018 2:00 AM Brews in brief: Stancill Brewery

The story: Thomas Gill and Adam Hague set up Stancill Brewery in January 2014, but the story goes far further back than that. The brewery kit was previously at Oakwell Brewery in Barnsley, and when that closed Tom and Adam were keen to preserve it and give it a new life, and immediately to revive the Barnsley Bitter it had once produced so prolifically 14

July 29, 2018 9:21 AM Self-proclaimed ‘perfectionist’ very bad at job

A WOMAN claiming to be a ‘perfectionist’ is incapable of performing even the most basic tasks of her job. Administrator Susan Traherne portrays herself as a tortured workaholic crippled by her impossibly high standards, a description has baffled her colleagues. Boss Emma Bradford said: “Perfectionist? Fits with always missing deadlines, but not the massively 15

July 25, 2018 10:25 AM Parents head to park to spend quality time with their smartphone

PARENTS are taking the kids to the park this summer in the hope they get some uninterrupted time on their phones. Mums and dads plan to dick around on Facebook in the sunshine until their battery dies or someone wants pushing on the fucking swing again. Mum of three, Emma Bradford said: “I should have at least ten minutes before someone needs a wee, falls 17

July 23, 2018 1:30 PM Private collector David Ross celebrates the art of Yorkshire at Ryedale Folk Museum

CARPHONE Warehouse co-founder David Ross is loaning Yorkshire works by David Hockney, Barbara Hepworth, Tony Bevan and Harland Miller to Ryedale Folk Museum, Hutton-le-Hole for the summer. In all, Ross has lent 12 paintings and two sculptures that either feature Yorkshire subjects or were created here for Of Yorkshire, From Yorkshire, an exhibition timed 10