Office worker Tom Booker, who spent New Year’s Eve drunkenly explaining how much he was looking forward to not drinking, has strangely not yet seen any benefits of Dry January.
Booker said: “Constantly consuming alcohol has turned me into a flabby, pale blob so I thought stopping would quickly reverse the process and turn me into that bloke who plays Thor.
“But it appears I was lied to. I haven’t lost any weight, even though I spent the best part of New Year’s Day vomiting up a combination of prosecco and Wotsits.
“I don’t know why everyone thinks Dry January is a good thing. All my friends say it’ll make me feel amazing, but I just feel depressed and chubby.